How many of us find ourselves at a party being pressed for physics jokes in front of all the great physics minds of our century (or at least of our peer group)? All of us, I'm sure.

Which is why we have curated and compiled this list of physics jokes for every occasion that presents itself to you.

Have fun!

Q: What do physicists do at football games?

A: The wave.

A photon checks into a hotel when the bellhop asks, "Would you like help with your


The photon replies, "I don't have any. I always travel light."

You matter.

Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.

In 1907, Einstein started developing a theory about space. 

It was about time, too!

Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree one fine day, trying to figure out how gravity works.

And then it hit him.

My physics professor said I had potential. Then he pushed me off a building.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Q. What happens when electrons lose their energy?

A. They get Bohr’ed.

Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

The Higgs Boson walks into a church whereupon the priest immediately says, "We don't

allow Higgs Bosons in here."

The Higgs Boson replies, "But without me, you cannot have mass."

A hundred kilopascals go into a bar.

Q: What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?

A: Fission chips

Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?

Calculating frequency is so easy it Hertz.

Q: What does a subatomic duck say?

A: Quark.

Q: How did Einstein begin the stories he told his children?

A: Once upon a space-time...


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